Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
