I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
