overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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