yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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