"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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