One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
