maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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