there's paper in my vomit.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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