I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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