Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
