if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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