I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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