If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
