why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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