What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
