Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
