I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
