Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
