Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I love you. Go after that dick
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize