i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
