we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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