i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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