she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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