If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize