I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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