I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
