we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
