i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
