i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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