update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We are all done wearing pants today
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
