My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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