I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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