You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
