hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
