I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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