He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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