I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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