and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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