I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I party with great urgency now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
