You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
