The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
