You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
