Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
