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• (718): View more from New York

  i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite

  (917): View more from New York City

  get a pic

  (718): View more from New York

  i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that

  (917): View more from New York City

  i want ur life

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.

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• (914): View more from New York

  this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.

  (845): View more from New York

  you are a goddess

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.

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• (470): View more from Georgia

  Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.

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• (424): View more from California

  I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed

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