I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
