Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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