Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
