Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
