I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone came in the potted fern
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
