Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
