Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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