i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
