I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
