my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
