He is an equal opportunity slut.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
