He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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