just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
