exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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