bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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