I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize