Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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