What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
