you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
