I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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