Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
