Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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